Tuesday, May 20, 2008

About my weight

Hi my name is Brenda and I'm a compulsive overeater. I am a cook at a drug and alcohol treatment center. My weight became a problem for me as a young adult. After I got married we moved to town were fast food was just down the street and my husband could not say no when I asked him to go to dq for ice cream. I did nothing about my weight until after I had 2 kids. I went to my first weight watchers meeting in April 2006. My youngest son was almost a year old. I did very well on ww in a year I had lost 69.8 lbs. It became very hard for my I stopped going to meetings gained a few lbs and then some one said "it’s ok to take a break." That was all I needed to hear. So here I am I have gained it all back and a little more. I have tried to re-join ww 3 times and just don’t have it in my heart to do it again. I'm so mad that I gained it all back and that I could not see what a good job I had done. All I could think about was that I had not lost more weight.

I remember when I first realized food was my problem. I was at work and we had a guy come in for treatment he was very over weight. He come to us and asked if we would just make him a salad for lunch and dinner and he would just have grapefruit for breakfast. He would walk every break and never complained. One day I was sitting outside as he was walking and I remember thinking how can this man have a drug or drinking problem but can just give up on food. FOOD is MY DRUG. I don’t know how much weight he lost but I will always remember him.

Most recently a good friend of mine had a baby boy that had a heart problem but they thought that after he had a surgery he would be fine. He only lived for 17 days. My heart is still broken for that family. I feel so selfish because god gave me a healthy heart and strong body and two wonderful boys and a loving husband and here I sit overweight unable to do the things in live I love. I have been an avid horse rider all my life and I still ride but it is so much harder with extra weight.

I have joined OA I have only shared a few times but I’m happy to be with people that understand me. I know that the weight will come off I have don’t it before and will do it again what I don’t know what I can do is keep it off. I feel OA will help he keep it off it will help me see why I over eat.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

New Beginnig for me and Figi

Last night my friend that I ride with brought out one of her friends that I have met several times. She is a parelli person and a student of Chucks Krafts. She was so nice to came out to the barn and watched us normal people ride our dressage horses. I have been struggling with my horse. I have been trying to do what everyone wants and thinks I should be doing with her not what I want and more importantly what my horse wants. I love the parelli stuff but I feel so dumb when I’m doing it only because it is new to me and I’m not very coordinated with the stick and rope and horse! Anyway Karen watched me ride my horse she seen my fear she saw my problem she offered my help. She gave me great words of advice and comfort. We worked on all kinds of things had huge break through. She then said lets take off all this crap (dressage bridle with flash and my martingale) and let’s ride in the rope halter. I was sure she was trying to kill my so she could have my horse! She then told me she only wanted to take on tiny step out side my comfort zone and if that meant just sitting on her that was fine. She also put the lounge line on so she could help me. We went to the mounting block and worked on getting her to stand nicely I got my foot in the stirrup a few times we worked on a few things. I never did get on she was just not in the right frame of mind. She left me with lots of tasks to work on. I feel so rejuvenated to continue on my parelli journey. I’m going back to the barn to PLAY with my horse tonight I’m going to bring home all my dressage things clean them and put them away for a while. Anyway thanks for letting my share I’m sure I will share a few more times!